


and poems

by andchaos



Series: pointless destiel drabble [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-07
Updated: 2014-02-07
Packaged: 2018-01-11 10:59:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1172243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andchaos/pseuds/andchaos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Just to put this in context, I wrote it just after 9x03. If the title wasn't blatantly indicative.</p>
          </blockquote>





	1. Fallen Angel

You glowered from a distance and growled,

“Who are you?”

Which is when I fell in love with you, I think.

I had spent an eternity not belonging

Just to have you glare at me and growl

“Who are you?”

And I wanted to save you.

I am not a hero

But I wanted to save you

I did not hate myself for years

Just to have some stupid boy in a leather jacket

Narrow his eyes and growl,

“Who are you?”

I glared right back and

Pretended not to love you.

 

You gave me a lopsided smile and said,

“Don’t ever change”

Which is when you fell in love with me, I think.

Me, in my oversized coat

With my overbearing family

And my twisted ideology

About _faith_ and _choice_.

You fell in love with me and

I don’t think you knew it.

 

You watched me in the dark and murmured,

“I don’t trust you”

Which is when I almost left you, I think.

I had finally belonged somewhere, and you

Tried to rip away my only family

With harsh words and pointed scowls.

You wanted to save me, but

I’m not sure I _can_ be saved.

You _are_ a hero

But you cannot save me.

We’ve been through much together

But you told me to go, and I

Ran.

 

You grabbed onto my sleeve and whispered,

“I need you”

Which is when I realized I couldn’t leave, I think.

You were broken and damned and

Absolutely beautiful;

I have seen your very soul and

It is more luminous than you can imagine

You, in your leather jacket

With your selfless loyalty

And your devil-may-care attitude

When you whirlwind through a town.

You

And your self-deprecating smile.

I realized I couldn’t leave you

And was terrified that I didn’t want to.


	2. I'm No Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just to put this in context, I wrote it just after 9x03. If the title wasn't blatantly indicative.

“Never do that again,” you said,

          but you didn’t

       Mean it.

            Evidently.

   You touched my knee

        And cradled my face and

     Betrayed another creature stronger than you

    Because I had nearly died _again_ ;

        And you say that we’re family but

  I think that I might be the love of your life.

 

“Alright,” I said,

          and I truly

       Meant it.

            For once.

   I blinked slowly up at you

        And shrugged back into my jacket and

     Asked if your brother was alright

    Because he had nearly died _again_ ;

        And the three of us are family and

  That would have torn you to shreds and you are the love of my life.

 

“You can’t stay,” you said,

          and I wondered

       Why.

   For once, I was trying to remain and you

    Chose this moment to shove me away—

  Back to where I’d almost died,

     Where I’d trusted the wrong people

            (Again)

    And been starving and lonely and absolutely terrified.

  I wonder if you’re mad that

      I ate the last burrito

       Or used your soap in the shower.

  I wonder if I am a burden

    And I wonder where I’m going to sleep,

 But you are the love of my life so

   I guess if you’re asking me to leave, then

     I should make like my old self

     And be already gone.

 

 

 

 

~*~

 

 

 

 

 

     “You can’t stay,” I said,

   but I don’t think

      I’ve ever wanted

         Anything

             More.

 

  You are fire and angel wings and White Castle cheeseburgers,

           And that’s exactly why I want to keep you,

    but you are toothpaste and red hoodies and silver knives,

           And that’s exactly why you have to go.

But don’t you ever think

That you are a burden.

 

I have sinned enough to raise an army of demons

Laughed as I poured myself more acidic sunshine

And left the devil in my bed

When I went out for bacon and whiskey,

But nothing has ever burned down my throat like your name

No sleepless night has dragged my feet

No hangover has sat in my head

Nothing, nothing has ever cut through me

Like the knife of your voice

And the bullets of your memory

 

          And when I said,

“STAY SAFE”

          I really meant,

“STAY HERE”


End file.
